When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves – Viktor Frankl
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Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Habit 1 – Be Proactive
Habit 2 – Begin with the end in mind
Habit 3 - Put first things first
Habit 4 – Think Win –win
Habit 5 - Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Habit 6 – Synergize
Habit 7 – Sharpen the saw

Week one
Habit 1 – Be proactive
For the next seven weeks, you will focus on one habit per week
Each week you will be asked to do three simple activities
1. Plan weekly
2. Live the habit
3. Teach to learn
Make a personal commitment, select an accountability partner and sign up on the web
Go to www.the7habits.com/econtract
When asked for the access code, type in the following: 7X4953A

The habit of choice – knowledge, skills and desire forms our habits
The maturity continuum – dependent, independence and interdependence

Paradigm
- Ineffective : I am a product of my circumstances
- Effective : I am a product of my choices

SEE- DO- GET

- SEE a principle of “I am free to choose and am responsible for my choices

- DO – Behavior
+ Pause and respond based on principles
+ Use proactive language
+ Expand your circle of Influence
+ Become a transition person

- GET – RESULT
+ Increased influence
+ More self – awareness
+ Greater initiative
+ Become the creative force of your life

Pause and Respond based on Principles
- Reactive Behavior
Reactive people allow outside influences (moods, feelings, and circumstances) to control their response
- Proactive Behavior
Proactive people pause to allow themselves the freedom to choose their response based on principles and desired results. Their freedom to choose expand as they wisely use the space between stimulus and response

Stimulus --------Freedom to Choose ++++++ Response

=============================================================================
People are always blaming their circumstance for what they are, I don’t believe in circumstances
– George Bernard Shaw-




Using the space between stimulus and response

Stimulus =====Freedom to choose =======Response

The four human endowments:-
Self Awareness, Imagination, Conscience and Independent Will

1. Think of a situation where you consistently respond in a negative way
(E.g. losing your patience, avoiding confrontation, lacking self- discipline)

2. What is a better and more effective way to respond?

3. What would be the positive consequences of responding in this new way?
(Who would be affected? What would be the impact? )

4. What is your commitment level to respond in this way the next time you are in this situation? 1 Low to 10 High

Proactive VS Reactive Responses

You have heard rumors that your company will be restructuring and there might be some lay offs. You feel threatened by these rumors and believe there is truth in them. You know upper management has been looking for ways to save money. Lately you felt the scrutiny they have started. Finger pointing and blame for recent failures has been magnified.

You believe that you have made substantial contributions during the term of your service but you are not certain upper management is aware of the value you have brought to the organization. In addition, you and your team have worked hard to develop good relationship with other departments. Nevertheless, even if upper management is aware of your contributions, your department might be downsized or even eliminated.

Reactive:

1. What are the moods, feelings, and circumstance associated with this situation?
2. What are some reactive responses to this situation? What would be the consequences of responding reactively?

Proactive: What are some proactive responses? What would be the consequence of responding proactively?

Use of proactive language

Proactive language Reactive

“Let’s look at our alternatives” “There’s nothing we can do”

“I can choose a different approach” “That’s just the way I am “

“I control my own feelings” “He makes me so mad”

“I will choose an appropriate response” “I have to do that”

“I can create an effective presentation” “They won’t allow that”

“I choose” “I can’t”

“I prefer, I will “ “I must, If Only “ :


“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle” - Albert Einstein
=======================================================================================
.



Expand your circle of Influence

Your circle of influence includes those things you can affect directly. Your circle of concerns includes all those you care about.
Proactive Focus
- When people focus on things they can influence, they expand their knowledge and experience, and they build trustworthiness. As a result, their Circle of Influence grows
Reactive Focus
- When people focus on things they cannot control, they have less time and
Energy to spend on things they can influence. Consequently, their Circle of
Influence shrinks.

"Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to just genuinely smile. Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice." Stephen R. Covey

Circle of Influence VS concerns
- Consider the list below, Determine which phrases belong in the Circle of Concern and which belong in the Circle of Influence
My past mistakes
My choices
My upbringing
Job security
Delayed flights
Living the 7 habits
My happiness
Weaknesses of other people
My commute time
How other treats me

Proactive challenge
1. Identify a challenging situation at work- one that frustrates you and for which you have some responsibility
2. Identify areas of concerns…………………
3. Identify areas you can influence……………..
4. What actions will you take this week in your Circle of Influence?

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has – Margaret Mead






















Become a transition person

- A transition person breaks unhealthy, harmful, abusive or unfortunate learned behaviors and replaces them with proactive, helpful. Effective behaviors.
- This person models positive behaviors and passes on effective habits that strengthen and build others in positive ways
- Who has been a transition person for your personally?
- What effect/ influence did this person have on you?
- Identify a specific situation in which you could become a transition person

Consider your Circle of Influence at work, at home, and in the community

"The real risk is doing nothing." Denis Waitley

Teach to learn
Ineffective: I am a product of my …………..
Effective: I am a product of my……………


Stimulus ----Freedom to choose -----Response
The four human endowments are ………………..
A highly proactive person can stop the transmission of negative behavior by becoming a ……………………….


“To the world, you may be just one person, but to one person, you may be the world”
- Josephine Billings

Habit 2 Begin with the end in Mind
Paradigm - Ineffective: I live by Default
- Effective: I live by Design

See – Principle – Mental creation precedes physical creation
Do – Behavior – Envision outcomes before you act, create and live by a Personal Mission Statement
Result – A clear definition of desired results, a greater sense of meaning and purpose,
criteria for deciding what is or is not important, improved outcomes


The Habit of Vision
Mental creation precedes physical creation
All things are created twice. First is the mental creation or plan; second is the physical creation or work.
Highly effective people clearly see the outcome they want in every area of life before they act.


Mental Creation Physical Creation
A clear agenda and objective --------------à productive meeting
An architectural blueprint ------------------à An office tower
Extensive marker research -----------------à A successful new product
An individual goal- setting session -------à A master’s degree
A personal Mission statement -------------à A life of contribution and fulfillment

Envision outcomes before you act
1. What are the top three goals for your team or organization this year?
2. How will you know if you reach them?

Habit 2 Checklist
Do you Begin with the end in Mind …..
- At the start of every meeting?
- When you plan a new year, week or day?
- When you begin a new project?
- When you plan a vacation?
- Before you begin a crucial conversation?

Applying habit 2
Identify some areas of your life in which you could benefit from Habit 2:
Begin with the end in mind……..

Create and Live by a Personal Mission statement
A Personal Mission Statement (Your purpose and meaning in Life) is like a constitution by which you make all decisions for your life.
Highly effective people shape their own future instead of letting other people, their culture, or their circumstance determine it.

Benefits of a Personal Mission statement:
- clarifies what is important to you
- provides focus
- helps you design your life instead of having it designed for you
- guides your day-to-day decisions
- gives you a greater sense of meaning and purpose

We detect rather than invent our missions in Life- Viktor Frankl

Write tribute statement for key roles
Effective people take time to define the legacy they want to leave in each of their key roles.
Their roles represent important relationship and key responsibilities

The following activities will help you define the legacy you want to leave in each of your key roles.
1, Identify and write up to seven key roles (both professional and personal)
2. Identify and write a key person’s name for each role
3. Visualize your 08th birthday celebration. Attending the celebration are the key people from each role. In the “Tribute Statements”, write a brief statement articulating how you would want the key person in each role to describe you.
For example, how would someone describe your influence on his or her life (your legacy)?

Example:

Roles and Relationship Tribute statement
Step 1 list down
Role 1: (Father) a loving and caring father
Key Person :( Daughter)

Identify long term goals
What two or three key things could you do to help make these tribute statements a reality?

Role 1: Show unconditional love and care, listen attentively to understand and accept her
for whom she is.
Continue till you have listed seven key roles and person in each

There is no greater joy or reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone’s life
– Sister Mary McGeady










Habit 2 – Discover Yourself
As you answer the following questions, consider the human endowments of self-awareness, imagination, and conscience. You will exercise the human endowment of independent will when you put into action your answers to these questions.

Self- Awareness
I am at my best when……
I am at my worst when…..
What do I really love to do at work?
What do I really love to do in my personal life?
My natural talents and gifts are…..

“The unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates-

Imagination
If I had unlimited time and resources, what would I choose to do?
Possible life goals for me are….
I want to be a person who…

“The next time your mind wanders, follow it around for a while”- Jessica Materson

Confidence
What do I consider to be my most important future contribution to others?
Are there things I feel I really should do, even though I may have dismissed such thoughts many times? What are they?

“Down deep in every human heart is a hidden longing, impulse, and ambition to do something fine and enduring”- Grenville Kleiser

Reflect on those who have influenced you
Imagine you could invite to dinner 4 to 5 people who have influenced you the most- past or present- and all are sitting at the table with you. Write their names and record the qualities or attributes you admire most in these people

Name:
Attributes:
Name:
Attributes:
Name:
Attributes:
Name:
Attributes:
Name:
Attributes:


















Habit 2 Revise and refine your personal mission statement
Ideas to help you revise and refine
- Revise books of quotations, poetry, and other literature for language that inspires you.
- Read biographies or autobiographies of people to spark ideas for personal accomplishments or contributions you’d like to make.
- Look at other’s mission statement
- Keep a personal journal or review a past journal to explore values that are important to you
- Use ideas from the “ Mission Builder” at Franklincovey.com
- Consider creating a visual or audio version of your Personal Mission Statement

Key characteristics of an effective Personal Mission statement
- Express principles of effectiveness that produces quality –of –life results
- Provides direction and purpose
- Challenges and inspires you
- Communicates your vision and values
- Addresses your most important roles and responsibilities
- Addresses all four human needs ( physical/ emotional, mental and spiritual)
- Represents the best within you

“ No one can go back and make a brand new start, my friend, but anyone can start from here and make a brand new end” - Dan Zadra

Mission statement museum
Mission statements take many forms, long or short, as poetry, art or even music. The most important thing is to make it your own.
- Mission statement – My mission is to give, for giving is what I do best and I can learn to do better. I will seek to learn, for learning is the basic for growth, and growing is the key to living, I will seek first to understand, for understanding is the key to finding value, and value is the basic for respect, decisions, and action. This should be my first act with my wife, my family, and my business. I want to help influence the future development of people and organizations. I want to teach my children and others to love and laugh, to learn and grow beyond their current bounds. I will build personal, business, and civic relationship by giving, in frequent little ways.

Resolution – Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day; I shall not fear anyone on Earth. I shall fear only GOD.I shall not bear ill will towards anyone. I shall not submit to injustice from anyone. I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all sufferings – Mahatma Gandhi-

I live to serve my talents as communicator, artist, and independent businesswoman. I create balance in work, play and community. I inspire those I interact with.
I want to be the kind of person my dog already thinks I am

To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; To give one’s self; To leave the world a little better; Whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, Or a redeemed social condition; To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exaltation; To know even one life has breathed easier Because you have lived….. This is to have succeeded – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our mission – The mission of our family is to create a nurturing place of order, love, happiness and relaxation, and to provide opportunities for each person to become responsibly independent, in order to achieve worthwhile purposes.

Care – About the world, About Life, About People, About myself

Love- Myself, My family, My world, Knowledge, Learning, LIFE

Fight- For my beliefs. For my passions, To accomplish, To do good, to be true to myself, Against apathy.

Rock- The boat, don’t le the boat rock me, Be a rock Be remembered.

To be humble. To say thanks to God in some way, every day. To never react to abuse by passing it on. To find the self within that does and can look at all sides without loss. I believe in treating all people with kindness and respect. I believe by knowing what I value, I truly know what I want. To be driven by values and beliefs. I want to experience life’s passions with the newness of a child’s love, the sweetness and joy of young love, and the respect and reverence of mature love. Finally, to go through life with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.






Teach to learn



Paradigm: I live by ………….. (Ineffective)
I live by …………. (Effective)

Result:
- A clear definition of desired results
- A greater sense of meaning and purpose
- Criteria for deciding what is or is not important
- Improved outcomes

Behaviors:
- Envision outcomes before you act
- Create and live by a Personal Mission Statement
-

All things are created twice- first creation occurs in our mind and the second creation manifest in the physical



What are the three benefits of creating a Personal Mission statement?
1.
2.
3.

What are two ways to revise and refine your personal Mission Statement?
1.
2.

What are two key characteristics of an effective Personal Mission statement?
1.
2.


Habit 2 – Team Mission statement

Team Mission Statement
A team mission statement represents the purpose and values of your team, group, or department. If done well and with genuine involvement from everyone on the team, it will provide focus, clarity, and inspiration to all team members.
Here are some questions your team could answer as you start developing a team mission statement
- What do we want to be known for?
- How do we want to treat each other?
- What unique contributions can we make?
- What does each person bring to the team in terms of unique talents and skills?
- What big goals do we want to achieve?

Kodak Canada Image Check
We are an association of independent imaging express
Who best satisfy customer needs in Canada by providing leading edge diversified imaging solutions and services In a way that delivers total customer satisfaction and enhanced revenue opportunities for Members
So that we are fully committed, other retailers want to join and customers want to come back

Charis web Design Department
Our mission is to produce the finest expert website design through constant innovation and inspiration. For us, nothing is more important than delighting our clients through delivering exceptional website design solutions
We seek to:
- Serve the client
- create inspired design
- research, apply, and develop expert web technology

Our business Values
- we have profound respect for our clients and each other
- We deliver
- We understand
- We care
- We innovate
- We do web (not print, not ads- just web!)
- We enjoy the process!

Our design Values
- it must be inspired
- It must be user- centered
- Consider every click
- Creativity stretches the limits
- But form follows function
- Is this the best way?
- Create superb customer experience
- Can it be faster?
Plan Weekly

Tips for weekly planning:
- When? Before the week begins
- Where? Someplace quiet
- How Long? 20-30 minutes

What are three steps to weekly planning?



1. Review Mission and Roles
Each week review your personal Mission statement and the roles that flow out of it.
Roles represent key relationships and areas of responsibility

When selecting your roles:
- choose both personal and professional
- choose no more than seven
- recognize that some roles remain for life
- be creative

Weekly compass: Roles and Big Rocks
What is the most important thing I can do in this week?

2. Choose Big Rocks
As you plan your week, ask yourself this question:

- What is the most important thing I can do in this role this week?

Big rocks comes from conscience, mission, goals, key projects,
Big rocks can be Task; Appointments; Areas of focus

“Nicest things about planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression” – Sir John Harvey- Jones

3. Schedule the week
Regardless of which type of tool you use- software, paper, or handheld device- schedule the Big Rocks before you schedule anything else



Habit 3 – Put First Things First - the habit of Integrity and Execution

“Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter most” – Johann Goethe

Paradigm
Ineffective: I put urgent things first
Effective: I put important things first

Principle: Effectiveness requires the integrity to act on your priorities
Behavior: Focus on top priorities, eliminate the unimportant, Plan weekly, Plan Daily
Result: Increased organization and productivity, Fewer crises, A reputation for follow- through, More life balance and peace of mind.

Focus on top priorities
Although they are both important, the compass must come before the clock, because where you’re headed is more important than how fast you’re getting there.

The clock represents your appointments, schedules, and activities- how you manage your time
The compass represents your mission, direction, and values – what you feel matters most

Compass Clock
- Effectiveness - Efficiency
- Relationship - Schedules
- Important things - Urgent things


· Important : Activities that represent your values, mission, and high- priority goals
· Urgent : Activities that require immediate attention



Urgent Not Urgent
Q1 Q2
Crises Preparation
Pressing problems Prevention
Important Deadline Planning


========================================Live North of the Line =======
Q3 Q4
Needless interruptions Trivia, busywork
Not Important Unnecessary report Irrelevant phone calls
Unimportant meetings, phone calls Time- wasters
Other people’s issues Excessive internet, etc


1. What are the chronic Q3 activities in your work place?
2. How can you help reduce or eliminate these Q3 activities?




To those celebrating Deepavali, next week – let the festive of lights brighten your future


Plan Daily
Tips for Daily Planning:
- When? Before the day begins
- Where? Someplace quite
- How Long? 6 to 11 minutes

Three steps to Daily Planning:
1. Check today’s appointments
2. Make a realistic list
3. Prioritize ( ABC, 1,2,3 )

Elements of an effective planning system
Highly effective people have a reputation for consistent follow-through.
Putting first things first each week requires not only discipline, but good planning tools

An effective planning system is:
Integrated. The core four are all in one system – task, appointments, notes and contacts
Mobile. It’s with you all the time
Personalized. It’s customizes for your own needs


Teach to learn
See-Do-Get

Paradigm:
Effectiveness requires the integrity to act on your priorities

What are the time matrixes of important and not urgent, Q2 activities that you like to expand?
What are the three steps to weekly planning?
What are three steps to daily planning?




Habit 4 – Think Win-Win
The Habit of Mutual Benefit

“What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?” – George Eliot

Paradigm
· Ineffective: There is only so much, and the more you get, the less there is for me.
· Effective: There is plenty out there for everyone and more to spare

SEE – Principle – effective, long term relationship require mutual respect and benefit
Do – Behavior – Balance courage and consideration, seek mutual benefits,
create Win-Win agreements, Build win-win systems
Result - faster solutions to problems. More team involvement,
generosity of spirit and Rich relationship

Six Paradigms of human interaction

1. Win-Win: “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us”
People who choose to win and make sure others also win practice win –win, they search for solutions that will make them happy and simultaneously satisfy others

Characteristics
- Seek mutual benefits
- Is cooperative, not competitive
- Listens more, stays in communication longer,
And communicates with more courage


2. Win – Lose: “I’m going to beat you no matter what”
People with a win- lose paradigm are concerned with themselves first and last. They want to win and they want others to lose. They achieve success at the expense or exclusion of another’s success. They are driven by comparison, competition, position and power.

Characteristics
- Is very common scripting for most people
- Is the authoritarian approach
- Uses position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get the “win”

3. Lose- Win: “I always get stepped on”
People who choose to lose and let others win show high consideration, but lack the courage to express and act on their feelings and beliefs. They are easily intimidated and borrow strength from acceptance and popularity.

Characteristic
- Voices no standards, no demands, no expectations of anyone else
- Is quick to please or appease
- Buries a lot of feelings


Habit 4 – Create Win-Win Agreement

Elements of an effective Win-Win agreement

1. Desired Results – what’s the end in mind? What are the outcomes I want?

2. Guidelines – What rules do I follow?
- What are the guidelines for accomplishing the results?

3 Resources – what resources do I have to work with?
(e.g. people, money, tools, materials, technology)?

4. Accountability – How will we measure how well it’s going?

5. Consequences – What are the rewards of achieving the outcome?
- What are the consequences of not achieving the outcome?

Win-Win agreements work great when you want to:
+ Clarify expectations
+ Increase empowerment
+ Delegate responsibilities
+ Align conflicting priorities

Examples of Win-Win agreements

Parent – Child
A child neglects her homework and her grades are suffering. The parents are frustrated and tired of nagging about it
Desired Results - Homework done each day; better grades
- Stop nagging
Guidelines - Can’t watch TV or play on computer until homework is done
- Reminder no more than once a day to do homework
Resources – Parents, tutor, after-school programs
Accountability – Parents signs off on homework everyday, checks online grades
Consequences – Positive: Feel better about self; dinner and movie with parents.
- Negative: If unsuccessful – summer school

Manager - Associate
A medical technician feels undervalued and wants more responsibility and money. Management wants to cut post operatives infection rates by 50%
Desired results – New title, promotion, and 10% pay increase for technician
- Infection rates drops by 50% in post operative wards
Guidelines – Goal must be reached within 6 months
- Standard protocols must be followed
- Experimental guidelines must be followed
Resources – Two post- op technicians will join the project team
- The Physician Council will advise and monitor
- Additional budget will be allocated with approval
Accountability – weekly meetings to gauge progress and resolve issues
- Infections scoreboard will be updated daily

Consequences - Positive: Promotion and consideration for pay increase, Infection rates drop
- Negative: review of leadership assignment


Draft a Win –Win agreement from your perspective, anticipating as best you can the perspective of the other person



Paradigm of Human Interaction

4. Lose-Lose: “If I’m going down, you’re going down with me”
People who have a lose-lose paradigm are low on courage and consideration.
They envy and criticize others; They put themselves and others down.

Characteristic
- Is the mindset of a highly dependent person
- Is a “no win” because nobody benefits
- Is a long-term result of win-lose or “win”


5. Win: “As long as I win, I don’t care if you win or lose”
People who hold a “win” paradigm think only of getting what they want.
Although they don’t necessarily want others to lose, they are personally set on winning.
They think independently in interdependent situations, without sensitivity or awareness of others

Characteristic
- Is self- centered
- Thinks “me first”
- Doesn’t really care if the other persons wins or loses


6. Win-Win or No Deal: “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us, or let’s not play”
Win-Win or No deal is the highest form of win-win
People who adopt this paradigm seek first for win-win, if they cannot find an acceptable solution,
they agree to disagree agreeably.

Characteristic
- Allows each party to say “NO”
- Is the most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or business de0al
- Is the highest form of win-win

Abundance or Scarcity Mind set?
If you don’t have some grounding in the Private Victory, it will be difficult to think Win-Win
Read each phrase below and mark where you think you are on the continuum

A. I believe there is plenty out I believe there is only so much
there for everybody (e.g., options, and the more you get, the less
success, opportunities, credit) there is for me
*-1----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10*


B. I am happy for the success of others; I am threatened by the successes
Especially those closest to me of others, especially those closest
*-1----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10*



C. I treat everyone with equal respect; I treat people with varying degrees
*-1----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10*



D I find it easy to share recognition I have difficult time sharing
*-1----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10*


E. I have a deep inner sense of personal I find my sense of self-worth
Worth and security from being compared and from
Competition
*-1----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10*



“You don’t have to blow out the other person’s light to let your own shine” – – Bernard M Baruch




Build Win-Win Systems
For win-win to work inside a team or organization, the systems need to support it. Training, planning, communication, budgeting, information, compensation systems- all of these have to be based on the principles of win-win.

Win-Win System
Win- Lose System
All sales advisors who achieve 110% of their goal achieve the President’s club
Top 5 % of the sales force achieve President’s club
Grading on a standard in a training class
Grading on a forced curve
A performance management systems based both on personal production and team
A performance management system based only on personal production, not team related
A compensation system that is based on performance
A compensation system that rewards everyone equally, regardless of performance
Promotion based on competency and results
Promotion based on relationship and seniority

Identify an area in your own life where you feel you may have created or are supporting a win-lose system ( e.g. in your family, in a relationship, within a team )
What is one action will you take within your circle of influence to improve that system?


Teach to learn
See-Do-Get
Paradigm: Ineffective: there is only so much, and the more you get, the less there is for me
Effective: there is plenty out there for everyone, and more to spare

Behavior: - Balance courage and consideration,
Seek mutual benefit
Create win-win agreements
Build win-win systems

Result: - Faster solutions to problems
More team involvement
Generosity of spirit
Rich relationship

Which mindset do you come from?
A. I find it easy to share recognition and credit. I am happy for the successes of others, especially those closest to me
B. I have a difficult time sharing recognition and credit. I am threatened by the successes of others



Seek Balance

Highly effective people balance these two things:

-----------------------: willingness and ability to speak their thoughts and feelings

------------------------: willingness and ability to seek and listen to others’ thoughts and feelings with respect

What are the 5 elements of an effective Win-Win agreement?
1. DR
2. G
3. R
4. A
5. C


Habit 5 – Seek first to understand, then to be Understood
The habit of mutual Understanding

Paradigm
Ineffective: I listen with the intent to reply
Effective: I listen with the intent to understand

Principle: To communicate effectively, we must first understand each other
Behavior: Diagnose before you prescribe, Listen empathically,
Seek to be understood from the other’s perspective
Result: Greater influence with others, solution to complex problems,
Clarity on real issues, Faster problem solving

Most people don’t take the time and effort to properly diagnose the symptoms before prescribing solutions. They immediately assume they understand someone else’s condition and quickly offer their own advice.

1. Describe a time when someone didn’t listen to you before prescribing an answer
2. How did you feel?
3. When do you most often fail to listen to others?
4. What gets in the way of listening effectively?

“One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider our problem, can change our whole outlook on the world” - Dr. Elton Mayo


Autobiographical responses

One of the biggest obstacles in interpersonal communications is our tendency to respond autobiographically, meaning from our own frame of reference. We advise , probe, interpret , and evaluate others’ messages based on our own experiences and motives.
Advising
Giving counsel, advice, and solutions to problems
Probing
Asking questions from our own frame of reference or agenda
Interpreting
Explaining another’s motives and behaviors based on our own experience; trying to figure people out
Evaluating
Judging , and either agreeing or disagreeing

1. Record phrases that illustrate when people are listening through the filter of their own experiences, needs, paradigm , or autobiography.
2. What is the impact of using inappropriate autobiographical responses?

Listen empathically
Empathic listening is reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words. It is not listening to advise, counsel, reply, refute, solve, fix, change, judge, agree, disagree, question, analyze or figure out.

“When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way; you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen; not talk or do- just hear me.
– Ralph Roughton, MD



Habit 5 – Reading the signs

When we communicate face to face about our likes and dislikes, our body language, tone of voice, and feelings communicate more loudly than the words we use.

7% the words we use
38% how we say words, tone of voice, style
55% facial expressions, body language

Watch the Signals

RED – stop talking and listen empathically when:
- there is high emotions
- you must get to the heart of an issue
- you feel you don’t understand
- the other person doesn’t feel understood


YELLOW - slow down. Watch and be ready to listen empathically

GREEN- Go forward and seek to be understood when:
- the issue is clear and mutually understood
- the conversation is casual and unemotional
- you’re asked to give counsel or advice


The elements of empathic listening

Empathic listening is reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words.

You feel …………………………..about………………………………………..
- Angry, frustrated - content, topic, or meaning
- Excited, sad, irritated of what is being said
- Ignored, misunderstood,
- Happy, nervous, hesitant,
- Embarrassed, foolish, upset
- Upset, discouraged, stifled
- Disrespected, emotional, confused
- Speechless, unsure, enthusiastic

Helpful language to get you started

As I get it, you feel……….. You sound………
So as you see it……….. What I’m hearing is ……..
You seem…… I’m not sure I’m with you, and…..
You must have felt…… Your feeling now is…….


Tips:

1. focus on the speaker, not on your “correct” response to the speaker
2. If you get stuck, just repeat what the speaker says. If you are sincerely trying to understand, you won’t be perceived as being manipulative
3. Don’t be afraid of silence. Sometimes just listening and saying nothing is the best way to get to the heart of an issue


“To my mind, empathy is in itself a healing agent…. Because it releases, it confirms, it brings even the most frightened person into the human race. If a person is understood, he or she belongs” – Carl Rogers


Habit 6 – Synergize
The habit of creative cooperation

“The enemy of the best is the good” – Voltaire

Paradigm
Ineffective: It’s either your way or my way or a compromise
Effective: Together we can create a better way, a higher way

Principle: The whole is greater then the sum of its parts
Behavior: Value and celebrate the differences; Practice creative cooperation
Result: Innovation and invention; New and better solutions; Transform relationship

Value and celebrate the differences
People are often threatened by differences of opinion, perspective, or background. Once you identify a common purpose, seek out and learn from differences. Highly effective people don’t just tolerate differences or accept them – they celebrate them

Bring to mind a situation from work or personal life in which valuing the differences produced greater results than what you could produce otherwise

1. What differences were valued?
2. What did you say or do that showed you valued the differences?
3. What did you learn from the experience?
4. What effect did valuing the differences then have on the way you treat others now?

“If two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary” – Stephen R. Covey

Synergize
Synergizing is a process of interacting that effective people use to get synergy. Or the Third Alternative

Synergizing is:
Is not
Results- oriented, positive energy
A brainstorming free-for- all that leads nowhere
Examining, exploring, and seeking different perspectives openly enough to alter or complete your paradigm
Accepting other’s ideas as full truth
Win-Win cooperation
Win-Lose competition
Having a mutually agreed upon end in mind
Groupthink ( giving in to peer pressure)
A disciplined process
Just a negotiation technique
Worth the effort and highly effective
Always easy


Types of Interaction
Outcome
Synergy – Third Alternative 1+1= 3, 10,100
Transformation
Compromise 1+1=!.5
Transaction
Defensiveness 1+1= 0.5
Contention
Hostility 1+1= - 1, -10, -100
Contention



Spiritual Dimension
Assume you have a year to live. What legacy would you want to leave?

Renew yourself spiritually, consider these suggestions:

- Create, review and refine your Personal Mission Statement
- Watch, listen, and enjoy the world of nature
- Read inspirational literature, in particular biographies of people who inspire you
- Commit to a life of total integrity to your priorities
- Listen to inspirational, uplifting music
- Practice spiritual worship that edifies

Did you know?
- Giving service can improve your health. It can boost the immune system, speed wound healing, and lower the frequency of colds, and other infections
Adults who volunteer live longer than their peers who don’t volunteer
- Reading biographies teaches us empathy, “ Encourages us to inhabit, if just for a few minutes, someone else’s world”, according to award winning author Jane Kurtz
-People work about 11,000 days between their mid 20’s and age 65. That’s a long time if you‘re unfulfilled, or disengaged at work

Write down one thing you will consistently do to develop the spiritual dimension


Be strong in the hard moments
As we attempt to renew ourselves regularly, we will encounter obstacles, such as feeling we’re too busy to “Sharpen the Saw” or lacking enough self- discipline to stick to our commitments. These are the hard moments, and include such things as:

+ Getting up on time (mind over matters)
+ Controlling your temper and not saying the unkind ting
+ Discipline yourself to eat healthy
+ Sticking to your reading regimes when you’re busy

If you can discipline yourself to make it through these few hard moments. You will reap great rewards.

1. Pick one of the four renewal activities you just identified
2. What obstacles or hard moments might you encounter as you do this activity?
3. How will you overcome these obstacles or hard moments?


Weekly Compass:
“What is the most important thing I can do in this role this week?”

Roles and Big rocks
Physical: 3 X weekly
Social Emotional: Lunch with ….???
Mental: Read two chapters
Spiritual: Service to the needy

Practice creative COOPERATION
Synergizing is a creative process that explores new possibilities to benefit all parties involved
At its best, it is a process that results in the third alternative

Getting to Synergy

Check willingness. Be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either of you has in mind

Reflect viewpoints. Restate the other’s view point to his or her satisfaction before you state your own

Create new ideas. Propose and refine new ideas. Go back for further understanding until you arrive at a Third Alternative


Step 1: Willingness
When faced with a problem or an opportunity, start the Getting to Synergy process by asking the other party, “Would you be willing to search for a solution that is better than either of us has in mind?”
Often lack of trust is one of the reasons people are unwilling to search for a Third Alternative.

“People who are truly effective have the humility and reverence to recognize their own perceptual limitations and appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings” – Stephen R. Covey

Step 2 Viewpoints
As you continue the process of Getting to Synergy, asks the other party:” Would you agree to a simple ground rule: I can’t make my point until I restate yours to your satisfaction; you can’t make your point until you restate to my satisfaction?”

The Talking Stick. Only the person holding the Talking Stick is allowed to speak. Once that person feels understood, he or she passes the Talking Stick to the next person

Humility and reverence for others.
- When you feel you are right, are you willing to put aside your own personal views and feelings so you can truly listen to other person?
- When you feel your ideas are being attacked, are you willing to keep yourself open to the thoughts and feelings of others that may be uncomfortable for you?
- Do you believe that humility and vulnerability are actually strengths and not weaknesses?


Step 3. Create New Ideas
Once you feel you have achieved a solid level of mutual understanding, propose and refine alternatives, a new insight, a model, a plan of action, or a prototype. Keep refining, creating, and going back for further understanding until you have arrived are a Third Alternative
Going for Third Alternative takes an enormous amount of internal security. You begin with the spirit of adventure and discovery. You leave your comfort zone and confront an entirely new and unknown wilderness. But in doing so, you become a pathfinder. You open new possibilities and new territories that others can follow.
You’ll know you’ve created a Third Alternative when you both:
- Have a change of heart
- Feel new energy and excitement
- See things in a new way
- Feel the relationship has transformed
- End up with an idea that is better than what either of you started with

“Don’t expect anything original from an echo”- Dune Muney


Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw
The Habit of Renewal
“A long, healthy, and happy life is the result of making contributions, of having meaningful projects that are personally exciting and contribute to and bless the lives of others” – Hans Selye

Paradigm
Ineffective: I focus only on getting the golden eggs
Effective: I nurture the goose that lays the golden eggs

Principle: To maintain and increase effectiveness, we must renew ourselves in body, heart, mind and soul

Behavior: Renew regularly in the four dimensions, be strong in the hard moments

Result: Improved capacity, stronger relationships, greater reserves and continuous improvement


Physical Dimension
Assume you’ve had a heart attack in the last month. How much you approach exercise and nutrition?

To renew yourself physically, consider these suggestions:
- Get the amount of sleep you know your body needs
- Set health and fitness goals( e.g. run a marathon, reach a certain cholesterol level or target weight)
- -Include vegetables , fruits,, whole grains, fiber, and lots of water in your diet
- -Ensure that your exercise routine is not one – dimensional but includes flexibility, strength training , and cardiovascular endurance
- Reduce stress by eliminating Quadrant 3 activities – get out of the urgency trap


Did you know?
- Aerobic exercise boost the supply of nourishing blood to the brain, improves the efficiency of the nerves, and increases the neurotransmitter hormones that produces feelings of well – being
- Physicians recommend drinking 2.5 liters or 8 glasses of water per day. Drinking less can cause mild dehydration, headaches, grogginess, and problems with blood pressure or circulation
- To optimize performance at work, experts suggest taking 5 to 10 minutes breaks( where you totally disengage ) every 90 to 120 minutes