The Top Thirteen Mistakes in Preparing a Sales Letter
1. Poor Headline.
Or what's even worse, no headline. The most important part of sales letters is the headline. Unless the headline immediately attracts attention and generates interest, your prospect will stop reading right then and there. This means you have no chance--zero--to fulfill the purpose of the sales letter, which is to make a sale. Your headline should communicate the strongest customer benefit(s) of your product or service. TIP: Creating a great headline. This is entirely contrary to what many "experts" say, but it is what most experts do! Headlines are critically important and yes you can spend hours, days, even weeks if necessary, creating headlines and then testing one headline against another. You can create at least 15 to 25 and test the strongest ones. You can write as many as 200 to 250 before choosing two to four to test against each other to find the most profitable. Or you can do what most copywriters do when they critic someone's copy. They read the copy and pick out a biggest benefit and make it the headline. Then they look for one or two other big benefits and make them sub-headlines. Here's an Example: "How To Get a New Roof, And a FREE 42" Flat Screen TV Just in time for the Big Game" I Really Don't Want to Lay Off My Crew this Winter I only Have 10 TVs - Call Now To Be Sure Your Get Yours!
2. Copy is full of "Me" messages.
Some examples: My products are terrific. My company is wonderful. We've been in business for 15 years. We have a long tradition of quality, blah, blah, blah. So much advertising is full of this drivel. This is all about you. No one in the world cares besides yourself. Your prospects want to know exactly what benefits they will get from your products. In other words, if you sell grass seed, don't dwell on what it's composed of. Instead describe how beautiful their lawn will be. TIP: Here is the fastest way to improve your copy. Review the first draft of your copy. Eliminate all these words--I, our, we, my. Substitute you and your. I promise you'll be amazed and truly gratified with the result. It's sure to blow your mind!
3. Copy fails to answer the question "What's in it for me?"
The process, of course, starts with the headline. An excellent copywriting technique is to prepare bullet points. These should consist of all the benefits a buyer of your product will get. Tip: Your benefits should be stated in headline format. The secret of making benefits even more powerful is to describe the benefit of the benefit.
4. Exaggerated Claims.
Many copywriters and marketers think the more astonishing your claims are, the more persuasive. This is a fallacy. If a claim is exaggerated, it seems and feels untrue. You thus lose that all-important credibility. Tip: First you should dramatize your advertising claims with the help of short emotional words. Then prove each claim. Expert comments and testimonials can be a big help. Give a reason why. In the headline above the roofer is giving away a big screen TV because his crew usually doesn't do anything in January and February and his suppliers are slow also. He explains that in the letter.
5. Confusing offer.
So many sales letters do not make a clear, easily understandable offer. The result is few or no orders. Reason? When consumers are confused, they don't act--they do nothing. Confusion always breeds inaction. Tip: Think through your offer very carefully and write it down before you prepare a single word of your sales letter.
6. Copy is too short.
As the old saying goes, "The more you tell, the more you sell." Tell the complete story of your product. Include every benefit you can. Copy can never be too long. Some of my sales letters are as long as 56 pages. But you can be too boring. The biggest sin of any copywriter, even in a two-paragraph letter, is to bore the prospect. The secret is to tell a complete story, but in the fewest words possible. Eliminate every single unnecessary word. Tip: Write only to those who are interested in what you are selling. Do not be concerned whatsoever with those who are not interested. Those who are interested need enough information to take the next step. Give it to them!
7. Large blocks of copy and few subheads.
Lengthy paragraphs without frequent subheads make copy intimidating to read. This discourages reading and response. Place at least two or three subheads on each page. Plus, keep paragraphs and sentences short. Paragraph length of no more than five sentences or less should be your goal. Some paragraphs can be one to three words. Tip: When you write subheads, strive to make them short and benefit driven. If the subheads are well done, readers with short attention spans can simply read the headlines and subheads and make their buying decision on those alone.
8. No testimonials.
Customers who rave about your product or service are extremely effective and should be included in every sales letter. The words from the mind and heart of customers build your credibility. However, most marketers waste the potential impact of testimonials. Common mistakes include using initials rather than the full name, as well as omitting city and state or country. Tip: When getting written permission to use a testimonial in advertising, also request a photo. Most will happily agree. Photos help to add power.
9. No money-back guarantee.
Your response to any sales letter will be significantly higher if you include a money-back guarantee. Tip: The longer the guarantee, the more sales and less returns or refunds requested. For example, 30 days works better than 10 days, 60 days works better than 30 days, etc. A full year "no quibble" guarantee works very well.
10. No P.S.
The P.S. is the second most read part of any sales letter. Many people read the headline and then turn to the end of the letter to see who it's from when they read the P.S. My strong recommendation is to never send out a letter of any kind without including a P.S. This includes personal letters. Make it a habit from which you never vary. So when you are writing to your mother, father or friend, end the letter with a P.S. Tip: When preparing a P.S. for a sales letter, a good formula to follow is to simply restate the biggest benefit of the product, the guarantee and the offer. How about a second P.S.? So that's P.P.S. - Or even a third - P.P.P.S.
11. Writing Like You Were Taught To Write in High School Composition.
High School Composition has Absolutely-Nothing-TO-DO with effective sales letter writing. Oh no! I can't capitalize Absolutely Nothing in the middle of a sentence - and there's no rule about bolding whats-ever - and TO-DO certainly is not all caps! And my GOD what are all these dashes! Hey, only the G is capitalized in God. And what am I doing starting sentences and ending sentences with prepositions - Ohhhhhhhh - I got an F. Get it? Most people's writing is boring and stuffy at best! Most people are not boring and stuffy. Write like you speak! Punctuate for effect not to follow rules! Tip: Want to write a great sales letter! Sit down with a good friend and a tape recorder and tell him why you and your product are so great. Transcribe the tape - add the #1 Benefit at the top in a headline - and restate the biggest benefit, guarantee, and offer in the P.S. - You're done.
12. Trying to Do Too Much You are not going to sell a house with a post card.
But you may get someone to raise their hand and say I want to find out more about that house with a post card. You should also try to do one thing and only one thing. If you want them to call you, everything should lead to them calling you. If you want them to send back a post card to get the free DVD, everything should be about getting the DVD. Tip: Determine what you want to accomplish and be sure everything in the letter supports that one thing.
13. No Double Readership Path and Poor Cosmetics
There are two types of 'readers' who will read your sales letters, post cards, print ads, etc. - skimmers and readers. If your headline does its job (see rule #1), then the readers will read every word that write. Skimmers, will NOT. You want skimmers to be able to make a buying decision by just reading: • The Headline • Subheads • Captions • Order instructions • P.S. While they may not make the buying decision based on the 5 bullet points above, if you've told your story well enough with your headline, subheads, captions, order instructions and P.S. they will often go back and read the entire letter. With that said, we can enhance the sections above, and our copy with cosmetics. Cosmetics can be bolds, underlines, italics, CAPITALIZATION, a different font, SIZE, Colors, etc. Cosmetics enhancements are used to increase readership among skimmers and help readers follow along. Cosmetics are used to cover key points and they make long copy seem shorter to the reader, and thus increase readership. Tip: After you've written your sales letter, go through and use cosmetics to enhance your key points. The key points being your offer, reason why, guarantee(s), testimonial(s), deadline, and call to action. Then, have someone read just your headline, subheads, captions and cosmetic enhancements. If they can repeat your entire story just reading those areas, you've got yourself a double readership path with great cosmetics!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
It's your choice
It's Your Choice
What is it you really want? Unfortunately, so many people haven't dreamed in so long they actually don't even know what they want any longer! You have got to stir up that dream inside of yourself. Your dreams and your destiny aren't determined by "CHANCE" but by "CHOICE"!
You can have anything in life you want... if you know what you want! Do you remember in Alice in Wonderland, Alice asked the cat, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" The cat answered, "That depends a great deal on where you want to go." Alice said, "Oh, I don't much care." He answered, "Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.’
Which way do you want your life to go? What do you want? It's your choice! You are in control. Quit blaming others for your disappointments! Make a quality decision to get up... and get going! Life goes on!
Renew your personal commitment to "Life". Renew your dreams. Renew your vision. Don't let time, circumstance, or catastrophe keep you from turning your life around. It's your choice!
You absolutely have to have a vision! Helen Keller once said..."The only thing worse than not having sight is not having vision."
Ancient scripture says... Without a vision the people perish! you'll shrivel up and die without a vision! If you don't know where you are going, how will you know when you get there?
Your vision must be effective, clear, challenging, and inspiring to be valid.
Where are you going? Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Never let anybody steal your dream or vision!
Life's results are not by chance... but, by choice!
What is it you really want? Unfortunately, so many people haven't dreamed in so long they actually don't even know what they want any longer! You have got to stir up that dream inside of yourself. Your dreams and your destiny aren't determined by "CHANCE" but by "CHOICE"!
You can have anything in life you want... if you know what you want! Do you remember in Alice in Wonderland, Alice asked the cat, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" The cat answered, "That depends a great deal on where you want to go." Alice said, "Oh, I don't much care." He answered, "Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.’
Which way do you want your life to go? What do you want? It's your choice! You are in control. Quit blaming others for your disappointments! Make a quality decision to get up... and get going! Life goes on!
Renew your personal commitment to "Life". Renew your dreams. Renew your vision. Don't let time, circumstance, or catastrophe keep you from turning your life around. It's your choice!
You absolutely have to have a vision! Helen Keller once said..."The only thing worse than not having sight is not having vision."
Ancient scripture says... Without a vision the people perish! you'll shrivel up and die without a vision! If you don't know where you are going, how will you know when you get there?
Your vision must be effective, clear, challenging, and inspiring to be valid.
Where are you going? Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Never let anybody steal your dream or vision!
Life's results are not by chance... but, by choice!
TECHNOLOGY
"Upon the creatures we have made, we are, ourselves, at last, dependent." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"You always try to get the things you want with the very least effort possible. All technological advances are ways of getting greater output with less input." -- Brian Tracy
"Whereas knights of old wore armor of plate, the modern knights of the air wear the invisible but magic armor of confidence in technology" -- Mike Spick
"Technology is so much fun but we can drown in our technology. The fog of information can drive out knowledge." -- Daniel J. Boorstin
THINKING BIG
"When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge." -- Albert Einstein
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -- Walt Disney
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
"Looking to the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map. Why, I ask myself, shouldn't the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France?" -- Vincent Van Gogh
THOUGHTS/THINKING
"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December." -- J.M Barrie
"Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience." -- Eddie Rickenbacker
"It's easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting." -- Millard Fuller (founder of Habitat for Humanity)
"Wealth is built...one thought at a time..." -- Doug Firebaugh
"Upon the creatures we have made, we are, ourselves, at last, dependent." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"You always try to get the things you want with the very least effort possible. All technological advances are ways of getting greater output with less input." -- Brian Tracy
"Whereas knights of old wore armor of plate, the modern knights of the air wear the invisible but magic armor of confidence in technology" -- Mike Spick
"Technology is so much fun but we can drown in our technology. The fog of information can drive out knowledge." -- Daniel J. Boorstin
THINKING BIG
"When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge." -- Albert Einstein
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -- Walt Disney
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
"Looking to the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map. Why, I ask myself, shouldn't the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France?" -- Vincent Van Gogh
THOUGHTS/THINKING
"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December." -- J.M Barrie
"Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience." -- Eddie Rickenbacker
"It's easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting." -- Millard Fuller (founder of Habitat for Humanity)
"Wealth is built...one thought at a time..." -- Doug Firebaugh
One of Life's Great Lessons
One of Life's Great Lessons
Jim Rohn
Is thankfulness a survival skill? Perhaps most of you would respond with, "No, Jim, thankfulness is not key to survival", and I would tend to agree with you. Most of us have probably already solved the necessary problems of survival, gone beyond that and are now working to achieve our desires.
But let me give you this key phrase, "Learn to be thankful for what you already have, while you pursue all that you want." I believe one of the greatest and perhaps one of the simplest lessons in life we can learn is to be thankful for what we have already received and accomplished.
Both the years and the experiences have brought me here to where I stand today, but it is the thankfulness that opened the windows of opportunities, of blessings, of unique experiences to flow my way. My gratitude starts with my parents who raised me, gave me an incredible foundation that has lasted me all of these years and continues with the mentors that I've met along the way who absolutely changed and revolutionized my life, my income, my bank account, my future. I am also very thankful for the people, the associations, for the ideas, for the chance to work and labor, and to produce results, all of that has brought me to this place, to this weekend. I'm grateful for it all.
What a unique opportunity each one of you here has, so many of us; representing different countries, nations and cultures, to appreciate the uniqueness of our own experiences that has brought us all here, together, for these three days to learn new skills and sharpen old ones. For the countries we represent; we have freedom and liberty. These are extraordinary times, about eleven years ago the walls came tumbling down, in Germany, and it started a wave of democracy and freedom like the world has never seen before. We as a country and as a world have so much to be thankful for. Always start with thanksgiving; be thankful for what you already have and see the miracles that come from this one simple act.
Now thankfulness is just the beginning; next, you've got to challenge yourself to produce. Produce more ideas than you need for yourself so you can share and give your ideas away. That is called fruitfulness and abundance. Here's what I think fruitfulness and abundance mean - to go to work on producing more than you need for yourself so you can begin blessing others, blessing your nation and blessing your enterprise. Once abundance starts to come, once someone becomes incredibly productive, it's amazing what the numbers turn out to be. But to begin this incredible process of blessing, it often starts with the act of thanksgiving and gratitude, being thankful for what you already have and for what you've already done. Begin the act of thanksgiving today and watch the miracles flow your way.
To Your Success, Jim Rohn
Jim Rohn
Is thankfulness a survival skill? Perhaps most of you would respond with, "No, Jim, thankfulness is not key to survival", and I would tend to agree with you. Most of us have probably already solved the necessary problems of survival, gone beyond that and are now working to achieve our desires.
But let me give you this key phrase, "Learn to be thankful for what you already have, while you pursue all that you want." I believe one of the greatest and perhaps one of the simplest lessons in life we can learn is to be thankful for what we have already received and accomplished.
Both the years and the experiences have brought me here to where I stand today, but it is the thankfulness that opened the windows of opportunities, of blessings, of unique experiences to flow my way. My gratitude starts with my parents who raised me, gave me an incredible foundation that has lasted me all of these years and continues with the mentors that I've met along the way who absolutely changed and revolutionized my life, my income, my bank account, my future. I am also very thankful for the people, the associations, for the ideas, for the chance to work and labor, and to produce results, all of that has brought me to this place, to this weekend. I'm grateful for it all.
What a unique opportunity each one of you here has, so many of us; representing different countries, nations and cultures, to appreciate the uniqueness of our own experiences that has brought us all here, together, for these three days to learn new skills and sharpen old ones. For the countries we represent; we have freedom and liberty. These are extraordinary times, about eleven years ago the walls came tumbling down, in Germany, and it started a wave of democracy and freedom like the world has never seen before. We as a country and as a world have so much to be thankful for. Always start with thanksgiving; be thankful for what you already have and see the miracles that come from this one simple act.
Now thankfulness is just the beginning; next, you've got to challenge yourself to produce. Produce more ideas than you need for yourself so you can share and give your ideas away. That is called fruitfulness and abundance. Here's what I think fruitfulness and abundance mean - to go to work on producing more than you need for yourself so you can begin blessing others, blessing your nation and blessing your enterprise. Once abundance starts to come, once someone becomes incredibly productive, it's amazing what the numbers turn out to be. But to begin this incredible process of blessing, it often starts with the act of thanksgiving and gratitude, being thankful for what you already have and for what you've already done. Begin the act of thanksgiving today and watch the miracles flow your way.
To Your Success, Jim Rohn
The Miracle of Personal Development
The Miracle of Personal Development
by Jim Rohn
One day Mr. Shoaff said, "Jim, if you want to be wealthy and happy, learn this lesson well:
Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job."
Since that time I've been working on my own personal development. And I must admit that this has been the most challenging assignment of all. This business of personal development lasts a lifetime.
You see, what you become is far more important than what you get. The important question to ask on the job is not, "What am I getting?" Instead, you should ask, "What am I becoming?" Getting and becoming are like Siamese twins: What you become directly influences what you get. Think of it this way: Most of what you have today you have attracted by becoming the person you are today.
I've also found that income rarely exceeds personal development. Sometimes income takes a lucky jump, but unless you learn to handle the responsibilities that come with it, it will usually shrink back to the amount you can handle.
If someone hands you a million dollars, you'd better hurry up and become a millionaire. A very rich man once said, "If you took all the money in the world and divided it equally among everybody, it would soon be back in the same pockets it was before."
It is hard to keep that which has not been obtained through personal development.
So here's the great axiom of life:
--TO HAVE MORE THAN YOU'VE GOT, BECOME MORE THAN YOU ARE--
This is where you should focus most of your attention. Otherwise, you just might have to contend with the axiom of not changing, which is:
--UNLESS YOU CHANGE HOW YOU ARE, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE WHAT YOU'VE GOT--
To Your Success,Jim Rohn
by Jim Rohn
One day Mr. Shoaff said, "Jim, if you want to be wealthy and happy, learn this lesson well:
Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job."
Since that time I've been working on my own personal development. And I must admit that this has been the most challenging assignment of all. This business of personal development lasts a lifetime.
You see, what you become is far more important than what you get. The important question to ask on the job is not, "What am I getting?" Instead, you should ask, "What am I becoming?" Getting and becoming are like Siamese twins: What you become directly influences what you get. Think of it this way: Most of what you have today you have attracted by becoming the person you are today.
I've also found that income rarely exceeds personal development. Sometimes income takes a lucky jump, but unless you learn to handle the responsibilities that come with it, it will usually shrink back to the amount you can handle.
If someone hands you a million dollars, you'd better hurry up and become a millionaire. A very rich man once said, "If you took all the money in the world and divided it equally among everybody, it would soon be back in the same pockets it was before."
It is hard to keep that which has not been obtained through personal development.
So here's the great axiom of life:
--TO HAVE MORE THAN YOU'VE GOT, BECOME MORE THAN YOU ARE--
This is where you should focus most of your attention. Otherwise, you just might have to contend with the axiom of not changing, which is:
--UNLESS YOU CHANGE HOW YOU ARE, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE WHAT YOU'VE GOT--
To Your Success,Jim Rohn
Sowing and Reaping - Reciprocity
SOWING AND REAPING/LAW OF RECIPROCITY
"Everything you do has secondary consequences. Considering secondary consequences is the hallmark of wisdom and the basis of all civilization." Brian Tracy
"Working hard is the foundation for any success in life...but many people have what I call the ‘Reverse Disease´...they see ‘working hard´ as ‘hardly working´...and expect the same results.... yeah right." Doug Firebaugh
"An idealist believes the short run doesn't count. A cynic believes the long run doesn't matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run." Syndey J. Harris
"Plant, don't chant." Jim Rohn
STEWARDSHIP
"Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones tend to take care of themselves." Dale Carnegie
"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." Henry Van Dyke
"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do." Helen Keller
"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow." Woodrow Wilson
STRATEGIC PLANNING
"The most effective way I know to understand and clarify life purpose is to develop a personal mission statement." Greg Anderson
"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." Friedrich Nietzsche
"The trouble with many plans is that they are based on the way things are now. To be successful, your personal plan must focus on what you want, not what you have." Nido Qubein
"When schemes are laid in advance, it is surprising how often the circumstances will fit in with them." Sir William Osler
"Everything you do has secondary consequences. Considering secondary consequences is the hallmark of wisdom and the basis of all civilization." Brian Tracy
"Working hard is the foundation for any success in life...but many people have what I call the ‘Reverse Disease´...they see ‘working hard´ as ‘hardly working´...and expect the same results.... yeah right." Doug Firebaugh
"An idealist believes the short run doesn't count. A cynic believes the long run doesn't matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run." Syndey J. Harris
"Plant, don't chant." Jim Rohn
STEWARDSHIP
"Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones tend to take care of themselves." Dale Carnegie
"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." Henry Van Dyke
"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do." Helen Keller
"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow." Woodrow Wilson
STRATEGIC PLANNING
"The most effective way I know to understand and clarify life purpose is to develop a personal mission statement." Greg Anderson
"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." Friedrich Nietzsche
"The trouble with many plans is that they are based on the way things are now. To be successful, your personal plan must focus on what you want, not what you have." Nido Qubein
"When schemes are laid in advance, it is surprising how often the circumstances will fit in with them." Sir William Osler
Life would be easy... if it weren't for Passive people
Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for PASSIVE People
by Connie Podesta
Have you ever said "yes" when you meant "no"? Agreed to do something you really didn't want to do? Given in to someone's demands because you didn't want to make them angry or hurt their feelings? If so, then you have used a passive communication style.
The Passive Personality - Path of Least Resistance
Indeed, there are some times when you will decide it is not worth the hassle, anguish, frustration, time or energy to deal assertively with a person or situation. Instead, you choose to ignore or avoid the problem, often hoping it will just go away. These are your passive times.
Passive personalities are intimidated when faced with manipulative anger and feel guilty when faced with manipulative hurt. Passives may avoid a confrontation, but in so doing they create a great deal of unhappiness for themselves. Most stress is caused by avoiding problems and people rather than dealing with them.
No more excuses, please.
People with passive personalities love to tell themselves that their input does not matter. They even make excuses when someone is treating them badly. Rather than place the blame on the manipulator, they often blame themselves saying, "It must be me. Something I did caused this to happen." The passive plays right into the hand of the aggressive personality.
It's easy to see why aggressives love to work with, be friends with and marry passive people. Aggressives like to push others to the limit to see just how much they can get away with. Passives often fail to set any limits at all. They would rather let others make the decisions so they do not have to be responsible if things do not work out.
You must decide to take control.
We all have the power to make our own choices as adults and we have the obligation to assume responsibility for those choices. No one will treat us any better than we expect to be treated. You may have experienced things in your life over which you had no control, but you can control how you allow those experiences to define you as a person.
There are two main reasons passives have a hard time with confrontation. Many simply hate the physiological changes that take place in their bodies when they are in a tense situation. The fear of what might happen if you take a stand combined with the anger and frustration of not speaking up is enough to make anyone ill. Many more learned at a young age that in order to stay out of trouble they needed to keep their heads down and their mouths shut.
Assertive is about taking control of your life. Passive is about letting go of control and handing it to others. Setting boundaries means identifying healthy and ethical principles upon which to base your life and making sure that how you treat others and are treated by others is within the framework of those principles.
How do passives get their way?
They seldom do. Passives generally have low esteem as a result of making unhealthy, even self-destructive, choices. Passive people usually avoid saying "no" in order to be nice. They think the only alternative to being nice is to be mean or selfish. Aggressives enjoy being around passive people because passives allow them to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, even if it involves manipulation and/or abuse.
Passives are generally intuitive people who play a game called "let's see if you can guess what I want". The problem is that they expect others to do the same for them. This "testing" usually leads to their disappointment.
Surprisingly, the passive person values healthy, assertive principles for everyone but themselves. They do not believe they deserve what they work so hard to give to everyone else. In the passive person's futile attempt to be all things to all people, they often fail to live up to the very principles they work so diligently to model.
When passivity becomes our default response, then we have a problem because not only do we continue to "compromise" with nothing gained, but our ethics and values are inevitably compromised as well. As a result, our self-esteem is diminished. Compromising with another person is one thing. Compromising ourselves is quite another. It is nearly impossible to maintain a healthy sense of self-respect when passive is the communication style of choice.
Take Action!
Think about a time when you chose to be passive.
Why did you choose to be passive? Were you afraid of hurting someone's feelings? Were you afraid of making someone angry?
Do you often wish you had said or done something instead of remaining silent? If so, think about communicating more assertively in the future
by Connie Podesta
Have you ever said "yes" when you meant "no"? Agreed to do something you really didn't want to do? Given in to someone's demands because you didn't want to make them angry or hurt their feelings? If so, then you have used a passive communication style.
The Passive Personality - Path of Least Resistance
Indeed, there are some times when you will decide it is not worth the hassle, anguish, frustration, time or energy to deal assertively with a person or situation. Instead, you choose to ignore or avoid the problem, often hoping it will just go away. These are your passive times.
Passive personalities are intimidated when faced with manipulative anger and feel guilty when faced with manipulative hurt. Passives may avoid a confrontation, but in so doing they create a great deal of unhappiness for themselves. Most stress is caused by avoiding problems and people rather than dealing with them.
No more excuses, please.
People with passive personalities love to tell themselves that their input does not matter. They even make excuses when someone is treating them badly. Rather than place the blame on the manipulator, they often blame themselves saying, "It must be me. Something I did caused this to happen." The passive plays right into the hand of the aggressive personality.
It's easy to see why aggressives love to work with, be friends with and marry passive people. Aggressives like to push others to the limit to see just how much they can get away with. Passives often fail to set any limits at all. They would rather let others make the decisions so they do not have to be responsible if things do not work out.
You must decide to take control.
We all have the power to make our own choices as adults and we have the obligation to assume responsibility for those choices. No one will treat us any better than we expect to be treated. You may have experienced things in your life over which you had no control, but you can control how you allow those experiences to define you as a person.
There are two main reasons passives have a hard time with confrontation. Many simply hate the physiological changes that take place in their bodies when they are in a tense situation. The fear of what might happen if you take a stand combined with the anger and frustration of not speaking up is enough to make anyone ill. Many more learned at a young age that in order to stay out of trouble they needed to keep their heads down and their mouths shut.
Assertive is about taking control of your life. Passive is about letting go of control and handing it to others. Setting boundaries means identifying healthy and ethical principles upon which to base your life and making sure that how you treat others and are treated by others is within the framework of those principles.
How do passives get their way?
They seldom do. Passives generally have low esteem as a result of making unhealthy, even self-destructive, choices. Passive people usually avoid saying "no" in order to be nice. They think the only alternative to being nice is to be mean or selfish. Aggressives enjoy being around passive people because passives allow them to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, even if it involves manipulation and/or abuse.
Passives are generally intuitive people who play a game called "let's see if you can guess what I want". The problem is that they expect others to do the same for them. This "testing" usually leads to their disappointment.
Surprisingly, the passive person values healthy, assertive principles for everyone but themselves. They do not believe they deserve what they work so hard to give to everyone else. In the passive person's futile attempt to be all things to all people, they often fail to live up to the very principles they work so diligently to model.
When passivity becomes our default response, then we have a problem because not only do we continue to "compromise" with nothing gained, but our ethics and values are inevitably compromised as well. As a result, our self-esteem is diminished. Compromising with another person is one thing. Compromising ourselves is quite another. It is nearly impossible to maintain a healthy sense of self-respect when passive is the communication style of choice.
Take Action!
Think about a time when you chose to be passive.
Why did you choose to be passive? Were you afraid of hurting someone's feelings? Were you afraid of making someone angry?
Do you often wish you had said or done something instead of remaining silent? If so, think about communicating more assertively in the future
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